The Drought.

Oh dear, the drought has finally hit me. There are just weeks where your mojo is moist and fluid, and consequently, there are weeks where your mojo is dry and brick solid. I'm sure most of you guys have experienced this. It's a just one of those cycles of doom, where there are amazing ups and inevitable downs.

I sadly had to accept the fact that the week before the past one was already fairly dry. Ugly girl for thursday and two emergency booty calls I made on Friday and Saturday out of pity for myself. This already indicated to me that my mojo started to solidify, maybe reinforced by the cold weather as well.

However, I had my hopes up for last week after I acquired two numbers on Thursday at a karaoke bar without much effort. I wasn't even planning to get some numbers, I was rather enjoying some beers with brothers from other mothers and just wanted to hang out. Yet two girls approached and I stupidly believed that these two numbers would foreshadow a successful weekend. I was very very wrong. 

Pumped for a Friday night at my usual nightclub, I met a young lady who was well sloshed. So sloshed that she elbowed my drink into my crotch while attempting to grab her phone off the table. Before you think about anything naughty, no, this girl did not do it purposely. More like, she was actually clumsy and adding on to that, she was drunk enough to decrease her visual and limbic coordination ability.


Lucky for her, I am fairly mellow and this accident did not manage to kill my hunger for her quite yet. However, dancing with a wet crotch did. Ever two-stepped with a wet crotch? It's kind of like grinding with a boner. The club is so dark and you know exactly that nobody can see or notice even if they wanted to. Yet, as many of you probably experienced before, it is so hard not to think that everyone is just looking at your pants. When something mishappens around that sensitive area, it just seems like everyone is gossiping about what could have possibly happened there. Obviously, unlike the actual truth of what had occured, "That dude is so drunk he probably pissed himself without knowing it." seems just so much more convenient and entertaining. Still, keep in mind that nobody is actually looking around for a wet crotch and it is usually way too dark to tell if dark jeans have an even darker spot on them. Overcome your ego and do not let your self-esteem take a drop.


Moving on with the night, as if getting a rash on my thighs from the friction between jeans, gin tonic and skin wasn't enough, I managed to make a horrible mistake. Still wet, I walked outside to give myself a break from all this excitement. At this point, I would like to tell all non-smokers that I admire you, envy you, and that I am jealous of you. Not only will you save yourself many minutes of suffering by staying indoors rather than going outside to welcome the winter weather, but you will also never have to experience frozen gin tonic on your crotch that will turn your junior into a third nipple.


I just had to accept that the drought was here and I honestly did not want my crotch to suffer any more unfortunate wake-up calls. Bummed out as I was for the rest of the weekend, I just loafted and wanted to stay away from drinking girls for a while.


Just remember, having slow weekends is part of the game. All it does, is make the redemption weekend even more fun.


Tonic