The Queef.

Let me tell you something about queefs. Queefs are scary, loud, uncontrollable, and will make your penis invert as soon as you experience one. For those who don't know what a queef is, it is a vaginal fart. Depending on the female, the "opening downstairs" may be very tight, if not, even airtight, loose, or just normal. If it happens to be fairly tight, it will allow for air to stay within the vaginal cave which escapes when pressure is applied through some sort of movement, resulting in a fart-like sound.

It sounds weird, and it is weird. Especially when you have not met a girl with this type of superpower.


A messed up experience this weekend after meeting a few new girls inspired me to this post. After acquiring several numbers, i specifically focused on one girl that would eventually settle down for a dinner and a bottle of wine on a relaxed saturday night. 

Obviously, the queefing part of this story finds no place at the dinner table, which is why I will move on to the more exciting stuff. After dinner, my usual routine is to just sit down, mix a few drinks, chat and analyze whether or not this girl is looking for a fun time with no strings attached, or if she just likes to be fed and get free alcohol. Either way, it doesnt friggen matter at the end. If you can drag long enough to get a girl sloshed and tipsy, she will be on you all day, either cause she is actually attracted to you, or just for the sake of it because you are the only male available. Either way works just fine. Girls are just as horny as guys, you just need to make them aware of that, with help of some liquor.

Anyways, as usual, the foreplay includes going down on eachother at some point and time. This girl was very naughty and literally dirty, when she dragged me to the not very sanitary washroom attempting to get some action there instead of a bed with clean sheets. Messed up, but refreshing in a way. So here comes the real deal. After a mediocre and drunk blowjob, it was my turn to get some mojo flowing.


As i slowly work my way down with my tongue, she gets louder and more aggressive. Reaching the vagina after a while of teasing must've been the wildest relief for her. In fact, so relieving that she farted in my mouth. I kid you not. Centimetres away from from her bum was my mouth. Not knowing that she was a queefer, i was so disgusted that my penis just literally died off.


After a bit of eye contact and body language however, I acknowledged the fact that the fart was not out of her bum, but her vagina instead. It took me a while to get off of this mood killer and to continue with the action.


This is not supposed to be funny at all even though it may seem hilarious. This is a serious warning to guys. I'm a fairly mellow person and therefore would not do much if some girl farted in my face, but i know some guys out there have strong egos and attitudes and may not take a fart to the mouth as easy as me. Always remember that when you feel a dash of wind blowing through your face while eating a girl, chances are, it is just a harmless and odourless queef. Remember, girls don't fart. (Bullshit, they do just as dirty and smelly as guys do, they just don't fart in front of people, no matter who you are)


Till the next adventure,


Tonic