The Foreigner.

Yes sir. It's finally time to introduce one of the girls I met while I was abroad. *Drum roll* I am proud to present and induct the first non-asian girl into my personal hall of shame. The Foreigner.

I lied. This girl was actually not a new girl I met. She was an old friend I haven't seen for many years. However, what really matters is that we never dated and also never had sex until recently during my trip. Therefore, when taking my primary intentions into account, this girl shall be considered previously unknown.

As you may have guessed yourself by now, no one night stand initiates without a little bit of alcohol, the devil's advocate. Ironically, it does in fact advocate an immoral deed for our purposes, but honestly, what better purpose could alcohol have besides tricking little girls into your filthy bed?


One of the first few nights of stay I met with a group of old friends for a few drinks. The location was a rustic bar with dim lighting and jazzy music, providing a very casual and relaxing atmosphere. Although location may not be the key to a sucessful one nighter at the end of the day, it is still an important factor you should not overlook. This applies especially to those, who have not yet perfected their game and are weak at conversations. You will definitely thank the location when you realize that the infamous "awkward silence" is suddenly not awkward at all with help of your surrounding and the choice of music present.


Anyways, old story retold, a bit of chatting, a bit of drinking, a bit of flirting, a bit of not wanting the night to end so quickly and boom! What better option is there than to suggest and possibly host an afterparty when the waiters and waitresses start closing down the bar. Trust me, in no universe is there a better option. Simply summarized, afterparties is where the !@#$ goes down and you may or may not be lucky. This is when you don't want to waste your buzz from the bar and are willing to go all out. This is when everything civilized turns barbarian. This is when you don't want to talk about updates in one's life anymore and just want everyone to get drunk. This is when everyone gets horny and wants something to chew on.

Most importantly, THIS is when the last man standing wins.


As the group scattered all over my place; some of them sleeping, some talking, some drinking, some touching, some making food; I fortunately found myself on the bed with the foreigner flirting. During the whole evening I already sensed a naughty vibe from her, I just had to find the right moment when we would be alone and I could prey upon her petite body.


Things moved on fairly quick from here and we both eventually reached the point of nudity and began fondling. As my hand slowly but teasingly scanned her entire body, I came across what appeared to be an organic unidentifiable object. I wasn't worried at all, however, my curiousity did lead me to question what this object may be. Nope, it's not her breasticle I thought to myself. It was much smaller and to be found near her lower midsection. Unless this girl had granny-like sagging a-cups, it would not make sense at all. Piercing? Maybe. However, I crossed that off my list as well after a density and shape check. Maybe it's just dirt? Nope, not after I tried picking it and received an awful hard slap to my hand and an "OW" straight to my ear.


After seconds of brainstorming, I finally figured it out. This badboy is a !@#$ weird ass wart. What kind of wart? I don't !@#$ know! It was one of those 3D warts that you could touch and twist with possibly two long and lonely hairs growing out of it. Slightly surprised by this discovery, I could not get rid of the mental image fondling a raisin that was grown onto someone's stomach. Yet, I managed to calm myself down quickly and move on with the procedure even though the possibility of an STD did flash through my mind at some point. Then again, as a sexual disease archive such as myself, this deformed wart wouldn't even scare me even if it was transmittable. 

The sex didn't end up being great, but I didn't care much. It was so humorous that all I could think about during the poundage was how the wart would look like if I were to turn on the room lights. So much for foreign girls.


Tonic

The Booty Call.

Ah yes, the booty request. What a great invention, at least for people who are lazy to go on the hunt at night. Sadly, it is actually quite hard to establish proper and stable booty calls. Sooner or later, one side will get emotionally attached and the whole casual aspect will vanish.

Before I explain any further, I would like to wish everyone a very very late and merry christmas, and also a very late happy new year. Unfortunately, these few months have been very busy, in fact, so busy that I totally neglected this blog. Luckily, I have made quite a few entertaining and messed up experiences during these months I will write about these coming days.

Celebrating new years and christmas abroad was quite intoxicating, as you could probably imagine yourself. Shots, wine, champagne and lots of beer. I would love to share, but sadly, I don't remember a whole lot.


Anyways, arriving back to my home from my trip, I realized that all the numbers I have been collecting since late Novomber were useless. Why? There are two main reasons. Either the girl has hit her expiry date, or she has fallen in "love" with you.

For the first part, it's literally like buying a tub of yoghurt. You either finish it after eating a few times, or you just let it rot until it's no good anymore. This theory applies to almost every girl you do not intend to date. After several encounters, the drop in excitement usually does not call for another meet (used up your sexual quota). Or, you simply just haven't bothered with this girl because you're busy with many others currently which leads to expiration. Both parties have been out of contact for so long, it doesn't even make sense to contact each other anymore. If this occurs, you may still consider yourself lucky and should be happy.

The !@#$ piles up in the latter case, which is way worse and happens way too often. You meet with your "booty" half a dozen times and while you're pounding her, she kills the buzz better than Buzz Killington himself by saying, "(insert your name here), I don't think I can do this with you anymore, I have feelings for you!" 


Listen !@#$, sit the !@#$ down and calm yourself please. This ain't no kindergarden "do you like me? cross yes, no, maybe" bull!@#$. You don't fall for someone after having sex a few times. Feelings and emotions do not arise from one night stands. Also, if you tend to argue with "love on first sight", get !@#$ real, it will never apply to a one night stand for a few simple reasons. First, the guy who you appearantly have feelings for is the same guy who was trying to get you so drunk so he could slice you with his salami and pay you 20 bucks in the morning to cab straight out of his life. This man clearly, CLEARLY, does not intend to be a part of your future. Second, you are called for sex, not for a dinner date, not for a movie date, not for a cuddle date, you are called for sex, and sex only. So stop thinking so much and just bounce your hips and moan from time to time.

When the above mentioned situation occurs, and believe me, it will occur very often, the exchange of sexual favours ends instantly with this girl. Or at least, you should be smart enough to end it right at that moment yourself.It may sadden you, and it will sadden her for sure, but life goes on and you got to play the game the way it's meant to be played. 

You wouldn't want some crazy !@#$ waiting outside your window every night trying to marry you because she claims to be in love with you, right? It's important to move on to new "booties" and play the game right, as one wise fellow once summarized his life with; it's all about money, cars, drugs, bitches and guns.


Tonic